What The Fuck Is Going On!
by wittyness
Summary: I started feeling like the odd one out long before I discovered that my friends were a bunch of crazy homo-erotic nymphomaniacs. Warnings:Me being bored, Dante, Nero, Cursing, ALL THE GAYNESS hahaha
1. Hidden

I started feeling like the odd one out long before I discovered that my friends were a bunch of crazy homo-erotic nymphomaniacs.

Although we were mostly all around the same age, I was still considered the baby of the group, because of my—supposedly—big blue eyes that made people bend to my whim and my frustrating height (or lack thereof.) Apparently, it was impossible not to see me as somebody they needed to protect and keep a careful eye out for. This was also mostly due to the fact that my older brother Credo usually hung around us with his best friend Angnus—and they weren't anything, if not overtly protective of me.

And once we hit high school, it became apparent they were hiding things from me.

Everybody was always so tense when I walked in the room, conversations were halted, the smell of pot still lingered but it was obvious that the pipes had been hidden out of sight. Suddenly everyone would put on fake smiles and ask me if I wanted to play a board game. No, _I did not_ want to play some stupid game with fake money, thank you very much. I was _sixteen_—not six.

But, it was clear that maybe they were all afraid to go against Credo, since they were all his friends first and mine by association. So, yeah, maybe there was a slight age difference, if you called seventeen, eighteen or nineteen (Credo's age) to be much of a 'difference' at all.

Dante was the only one who ever really stuck up for me. He kept trying to convince Credo I was old enough to get into a little trouble. He'd sneak me sips of his alcohol and laugh when my nose crinkled in disgust. He'd ask, _Vodka burns, doesn't it_? Then, once, he let me try drag from his cigarette and again I started coughing and regretting my decision, no matter _how_ hard I tried to act cool and confident.

The truth is…I guess I really wanted to impress him.

I told myself not to look up to him—that's what _children_ do—but I do. I really fucking do. So, I'd try my best to impress him, even if it drove my brother crazy. Even if it drove _me_ crazy, I couldn't help but go out of my way to act confident whenever he was around and every time he'd smile at me and I'd feel somewhat accomplished.

This was around the time that I stopped caring about whatever things my friends were hiding. They were still entirely too tense whenever I walked into the room. They still tried their best to hide anything illegal from me. They still protected me like a child. But...I'd simply lost interest.

Then, sometime in November, my parents went away for a weekend.

Pretty much immediately—their facades went to shit.


	2. Over Protective Asshole!

For as long as I could remember, my parents have refused to leave me home alone. If they left, they left behind babysitters—or sometimes Credo—to look after me.

Then, as I got older, this still didn't change and I could never figure out _why_ they were so paranoid about leaving alone over night. Eventually, I got to the point where I'd become increasingly embarrassed about having a freaking _babysitter_and just opted to avoid my humiliation by spending the night at a friend's house instead. And my parents would physically make me watch as they locked the door to let me know I couldn't just come back a second after they left.

No, wherever I went—I was stuck there. Plain and simple.

Though, it wasn't as much a punishment as it was a little taste of freedom, I didn't actually have to be under my parent's watchful eye, I could let loose a little.

I'd opted this time around to stay with Virgil—and Domina* by association, since they were always conjoined at the hip—who lived with his older sister. Who was never home, especially on the weekends.

Of course my choice coincided with my want for freedom; I knew specifically that there wouldn't be anybody around to enforce any rules. It was what I was hoping for.

Except, when I got there, I was sat in front of the TV like a child and given an apple. A fucking apple. Goddamnit. "Can I please have just one beer, _please_?"

Virgil and Domina suddenly looked extremely nervous, setting their cups down on the coffee table suspiciously. "Even if we _were _crazy enough to give you beer, what makes you think we have any in the first place?"

Oh, c'mon! "You're drinking it right now," I pointed out, eyes narrowing in on the two plastic cups.

"No we're not, that's coke."

"Its beer."

"Coke!"

"Beer! I can smell it from here!"

"Nope."

"Fine, let me taste it then."

Dom faltered slightly, looking over at Virgil, looking for some sort of help. Virgil looked over at me and sighed, running a hand through his silver hair in frustration. "Look, kid, can you just leave it alone?"

I jumped up swiftly, throwing my hands in the air, fuming. "I'm not a fucking kid! Fuck! Just—"

Just one night! That's all I ask for! Just one night where somebody doesn't treat me like a baby because of my appearance. Can't anybody give me that much? Fucking Credo. This is all _his_fault. Asshole.

Over.

Protective.  
_**  
Asshole**_.

"I'm going to bed."

Well, that didn't end up happening, actually. Since it was only ten o'clock, I ended up lying awake in the guest room, staring up at the ceiling as my anger festered. How did this shit happen? But more importantly: when will I grow out of it? I can't really do much about my eyes but I simply refuse to remain 5"5 for the rest of my god forsaken life. God had to have at least _that much_mercy in him, right? Right?

Goddamnit.

I'm fucked.

And the sad part is, it isn't even literally.

It was somewhere around an hour later when I started to hear noises from the room next to mine. My eyes had slipped close at some point but I hadn't fallen asleep, I was simply thinking, trying to work out the situation in my head. Then, I suddenly heard a loud **bang**, followed by a loud painful groan. "Jesus Christ, you didn't have to push me onto the bed so hard, I hit my head on that stupid bedpost again—can't we just rip the dam thing off?"

"Shhh!" Virgil hissed. "Do you want to wake Nero? You know Credo would _kill_us if he knew we were doing this while he was here."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have been rubbing my leg so seductively," Dom quipped.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have been wearing such sexy pajama pants."

"Sexy," He snorted. "They're gray, I wouldn't consider tha—"

The talking stopped after that and all I could hear were wet sucking noises and a lot of quick shuffling. Oh Jesus. What… When… How could I not have seen this sooner? _Virgil and Domina_? I guess it was obvious but…I always thought they were...just _close_best friends.

Yes, best friends that are apparently going at it like rabbits.

And, also apparent enough, they were keeping me in the dark about it. It's safe to say _everybody_was.

I angrily hopped out of bed, quietly gathering all my stuff and jamming it back into my duffle bag. The loud moaning sounds coming from the other room caused me to quicken my pace. I slipped my sweater on, slung my bag over my left shoulder, and rushed out the door just as I heard Domina scream "Oh Virgil, _right there_!"

One of the many things I realized that night—aside from the fact that a lot more screwing was going on than I know about—there are simply some things you can never un-hear.

~~!~~  
*Domina is Lady in Latin

Hayate The Soul Reaper: This is a AU I specialize in AU's.

SirenaLoreley: Yea I'm back I had writer's block so yea.


	3. School girl outfits

I ended up driving a few miles up the road to Credo's apartment—because I couldn't actually go home—trying to shake off the traumatizing realization that two close friends of mine have been fooling around like giggling school girls for god knows how long.

School girls.

School girl outfits.

Who _knows_what they've been up to.

Oh shit. Fuck.

You know how when you find out some crazy radical thing about a friend of yours—acquaintance, maybe—that revolves around their sex life and now every so often when you look at them, all you can think of is them performing said sexual act? Yeah, my brain tends to do that.

A lot.

The human brain is constantly going and going and going, compressing, repressing. _._You start associating details with the people that surround you. Jane hates dogs. Jane loves the rain. Jane always smells like peaches. Jane cant stop running her mouth. It was around thirteen that I learned my brain can spit up what I like to call: brain stew.

The brain stew effect. Unwanted sexual thoughts about people that you're not attracted to.

They're not meant to get you off or turn you on. They're meant to drive you nuts.

So here I am at thirteen, Tuesday morning, my then close friend Frigore Daemon, or Frost as I called him, comes up to me and stage whispers erratically 'I heard Kyrie Aloa gave Virgil Sparda a blowjob behind seven-eleven!' And my first thought was, I didn't give a shit, girls had already become uninteresting to me at that point.

But then, I walk into third period and see her sitting at her desk, idly flipping her red hair while chatting it up with Trish Fulmen. And immediately my mind starts its associations—most of the time you aren't even aware it's happening—pulling up tiny personality details to go with the face in front of me. Kyrie Aloa loves drinking diet coke and secretly adds Splenda when she thinks nobody is looking. Kyrie Aloa has an irrational fear of dogs. Kyrie Aloa—

KYRIE ALOA GAVE VIRGIL SPARDA A BLOWJOB BEHIND SEVEN-ELEVEN.

I shook my head dazedly, blinking a few times to shake my stupor. Whoa.

Said ginger caught my gaze and waved. Her smile was kind but my brain kept screaming and imagining her giving Virgil—scary ass—Sparda a blowjob. From then on, I'd learned to compress and repress the brain stew effect, but sometimes bits and pieces still leaked into my thoughts, all consuming.

I knocked on Credo's door with frustration, trying to block out naughty thoughts of what Virgil and Dom could possibly be up to at this moment. I paused for a moment, listening for any noise from within, before resuming, banging twice as hard as before.

Eventually, I remembered the spare key under his mat (isn't it funny how forgetful the human brain can be, even to the point that you automatically doubt its abilities to remember where a simple key is) and let myself in.

The lights were off and no one was home—no surprise there—so I decided to plop down on the couch and make myself at home, feeling the lack of sleep suddenly drag me down. I curled myself up; facing towards the couch, shivering because, _fuck_, Credo kept this place like a meat locker, and slowly slipped my eyes shut.

I prayed my brain wouldn't dream dirty things about my friends when I wasn't conscious enough to tell it to shut the fuck up.

~~~~u~~~~  
Sorry for the late update


	4. Hehehe small Kyrie cameo!

My eyes suddenly flashed open, shocked out of sleep, when the door swung open and two people crashed inside.

I quite literally thought the place was being robbed, wincing as the door was promptly banged shut and loud shuffling went on. I heard wet smacking sounds—a _whole lot_ of wet smacking sounds—and things were being knocked over and bumped. There was a loud bump, like somebody had rammed into the wall, and I hesitantly peered over the couch as a light flickered on.

Then I promptly fell back down.

Because there, in flesh and blood, was Agnus, backed up against the wall by my own fucking brother.

Kissing.

Making out.

Snogging.

Smoochin it up.

Swapping saliva—whatever the hell you wanna call it, they were doing it.

Credo groaned loudly causing me to gag in the back of my throat. At the moment the most intelligent thought I could put together was: dfuh9y9;;dj.

More shuffling went on and I could only guess they were heading to the—another gag—_bedroom_. Christ. I could also faintly hear fabric ruffling and I swear on everything that is holy I was about ready to have a full blown panic attack.

I decided to cut my losses and sneak the fuck out of there before I became traumatized for life. I snatched my bag from under the coffee table and quietly started tiptoeing towards the front door, tensing when I heard Agnus cry my brother's name like a goddamn porn star. My shoulder tensed and nearly froze up as I twisted the locks as slowly and carefully as I could, soundlessly throwing the door open and very slowly inching it closed.

And as I raced down the now quiet hallway, I tried to think of things to block out the mental image I just received. Bunnies. Spongebob. Uh…biographies. Mansions. Mansions…have walls.

CREDO AND AGNUS WERE RUTTING UP AGAINST A WALL, PRACTICALLY PURE UNADULTRURATED FROTTAGE!

I pinched my arm, cursing a string of expletives before throwing my car door open.

I think my brain may be exploding into a puddle of brain stew.

Somehow I'd managed to end up at my friend Trish's apartment, twitching every so often from the trauma I'd endured. My brain was having a free for all at the moment, flashing crude pictures of…of…

I clutched my stomach uneasily.

I stood in front of the slightly scuffed door, raising my hand to knock and have Trish and her best friend Kyrie comfort me like the mother's of the group they were.

That's when I heard something…odd. It sounded like a groan, almost, like Trish had stubbed her toe. But after the initial groan, a series of expletives followed and more crude grunting.  
_  
Oh no_.

"Ahhh…Kyrie."

I fled as fast as my feet possibly could.


	5. Brain shut up

I was once again staring at another door as my brain went into meltdown.  
_  
This is your last option_, my brain reminded. _Can't go home, can't go back to those freaky nymphomaniacs, just suck it up and knock on the door._

I raised my fist. Pulled it back. Chewed my lip. And reconsidered my options.

I could sleep in my car.

Yeah, all I had to do was ignore the bitterly cold weather and the fact that it was a sure fired way to get car jacked and stabbed to death.

I could…call my parents.

Yeah right, if they found out what I've been up to they would never leave me alone again.

I—

Suddenly, the door flew open and I came face to face with slightly startled Dante. "…Nero?" The cigarette between his lips sagged loosely as he stuck the ready lighter back in his pocket.

"Um…I kinda need a place to stay."

Still startled, he stepped aside ushering me into the warm apartment and gesturing to come sit on the couch. "I thought you were staying with Virgil and Dom?"

I looked at the carpet, trying to fight the heat rising behind my ears. "Their apartment was too cold."

A skeptical glance. "And you thought it'd be a good idea to come hear as your second option? What about going to stay with your brother."

I sighed in frustration. "Look, Dante, I've had a long night, do you mind if I just crash on the couch? I haven't really been able to rest at all."

Blue eyes looked suddenly warm as got up from the couch and gave a fast nod. "No problem, I'll just be in my room if you need anything. Night."

"Dante," I called out as he turned off the living room light.

"Yeah?"

"…Nobody else is coming over tonight, right?"

"Not that I'm aware of. Why?"

I smiled. "Just curious."

For the umpteenth time that night, I woke up to a loud groan. I shot up from my place on the couch, pissed as hell and out for blood.

Oh you dirty fucking liar! Nobody's coming over my ass!

I felt a string of emotions at that moment, Jealousy was in there somewhere but the most prominent of them all was rage.

A small light was flooding in from Dante's bedroom and this time I wouldn't run away. No, I was going to give him a piece of my mind. "Am I the only one in this goddamn group that isn't gettin' laid?"

Dante peeked out of the bathroom adjacent from his bedroom, looking very much caught off guard. "Um…"

Immediately, it was apparent I had made a misjudgment. "Uh…I heard you groan…"

"Yeah, I stubbed my toe on the stupid scale again."

"…Oh."

Then, he came out of the bathroom, a grin forming across his face, pointing a finger at me excitedly. "You know, don't you?"

"That we hang out with a bunch of freaks? Yeah."

He jumped around excitedly, humming some unknown tune before smiling once more. Dante seemed exuberant, brimming with excitment. He twirled and approached me quickly. "So the façade is broken, now uptight Credo can't hide anything from you. Which means…"

And, suddenly, Dante surged forward and kissed me, hard and demanding.

"I can finally do that without worrying about waking up in a million different pieces." Just for conformation, like the ability would magically disapear,he leaned down and kissed me again, placing both hands on my waist.

Meanwhile, my brain was screaming a million and one things at me, exploding with surprise—but I told it to shut up and just enjoy the moment.

v~~~~~~v

I can't write lemons but my friend Luci is pressuring me to try um would ya'll, the readers, like to see me try?


	6. omfg I hope you all like it

Warnings: Sex, Cursing, um sex?

* * *

Nero punched Dante on the shoulder when he pulled away, Dante just chuckled. Nero closed his eyes and ordered, "Make love to me." "Always so demanding." Dante chuckled once more before whispering, "But I love that about you." "Stop saying that word. It's embarrassing." Nero mumbled as he leaned unto Dante. Dante smiled and commented, "But you look so cute when you're embarrassed." In retaliation, Nero pushed Dante down onto the couch. Dante groaned, eyes lidded and darkening. Nero yelped when he was pulled forward suddenly, sliding into his lover's lap, ass positioned directly over the bulge in the older teen's lap. They both moaned when Nero pressed his hips down. Dante stole another kiss, ravishing the teen's mouth, biting his bottom lip, while shamelessly thrusting up against him. Nero continued to writhe and moan in his lap, hands snaking around the older teen's neck to bury in silver hair.

They continued like this for who knew how long, lost in each other, hands tugging at the other's hair. Nero trailed his hands over Dante's broad shoulders and chest. Dante's hands held tight onto Nero's hips, holding them still as he rutted against him. He broke the kiss to throw his head back, groaning when Nero slammed down on his trapped penis. The teen's eyes were sparkling beautifully, infuriating smirk still on his lips.

Nero gasped when the older teen's hands found their way under the tank top, scratching up his stomach to pinch and play with Nero's nipples. Nero's head fell back, exposing his throat and Nero moaned as Dante kissed the nape of his neck softly. The older teen's hands were usually rough but, at the moment, they were gentle as they caressed Nero's upper body.

He yelped when his shirt was suddenly ripped over his head, a hot mouth latching onto his shoulder. One hand pinched his nipples, the other back on his hips, stroking the smooth skin. He moaned again, hands now undoing the buttons on Dante's sleep shirt.

The hand on his chest danced over his stomach to trail lightly over the waistband of Nero's shorts, making the muscles there jump at the feathery touch.

"I love you" Dante whispered, his breath whispering against pale skin. The teen shuddered, finally undoing the older teen's shirt and sliding it from his shoulders.

"You look absolutely amazing," Dante continued. He pulled his arms out of his shirt before going to Nero's shorts, attacking the knot. Nero laughed lightly, smoothing his hands up and down his lover's toned chest.

Nero suddenly felt cool air rush over him, causing him to shiver. Looking down, he saw that his shorts were undone, his erection poking out and straining for release. His lover's hot hand on him made him gasp, head thrown back and eyes closed.

"You are so beautiful…" Dante muttered, kissing his shoulder. Nero righted himself, hands burying once more in Dante's hair, bringing their mouths together in another passionate kiss.

Small whimpers and moans escaped through their kiss as Dante continued to stroke him slowly. When they pulled away panting, Nero's face was flushed, mouth opening and closing as if trying to say something.

"What is it, Nero?" Dante smirked at the boy's glare, never once slowing or speeding up his movements. "Does the kid want something?" He tightened his grip just so, before continuing as he had been.

A loud moan escaped the younger devil. Then he was smirking once more, leaning in to lick a trail up Dante's neck to his ear. Dante shuddered. "I want your big cock in my tight little ass," he muttered huskily, emphasizing his statement by grinding down on the clothed member beneath him. "Can you do that for me, Dante?"

Dante groaned loudly, a shiver traveling up his spine at both the words and the smoldering look in those bright blue eyes. In one smooth move, Dante stood with his younger lover in his arms, laying the teen back on the couch. Nero moaned and writhed on the couch, Dante pulling those tantalizing shorts off the boy's legs. The cocky older teen made himself comfortable between Nero's legs, leaning over to shove his tongue back into the teen's warm mouth, hand back on the other devil's penis. Nero continued to moan shamelessly, throwing his arms around the older teen, trying to pull him closer. Dante's hand sped up, Nero thrusting his hips into the warm hand, throwing his head back.

"Ah! I'm… I'm close!" he breathed. Dante tugged a few more times, that wonderful burning in his belly spreading throughout his lithe frame before he exploded with a cry, coating Dante's hand. He slumped against the couch, eyes flashing red.

Dante watched him through lust-glazed eyes, the younger half-devil flushed and panting. He was almost content to just watch Nero if his own hard-on wasn't twitching in its confines. When Nero finally caught his breath, blue eyes hazy, Dante kissed the younger teen gently on the lips once more. Nero wrapped his arms around Dante's neck tightly and reciprocated the kiss.

Dante placed three of his fingers between their lips "Suck," he demanded. Nero happily engulfed the digits in his moist cavern, earning a lustful moan from the elder. His tongue ran up and down the three fingers, tasting him and generously coating them in a layer of saliva as he sucked on them. Dante adjusted their position so that Nero's lower body was raised. Nero moaned as he felt a finger enter him. He raised his hips higher as the finger began moving in and out of him. Nero's eyes widened when he felt another finger enter him. Three fingers were now inside him and Nero moaned as they began to prepare him, moving in and out of him. "Ah!" Nero moaned loudly as Dante's fingers began moving faster. His demonic right hand began to claw at Dante's shoulder but Dante paid no attention to it, stretching Nero as he continued to trail soft kisses on the younger teen's face. Eventually, Dante had to force himself to pull them away. "Good kitten."

Nero smirked. "Meow." His voice was still rather throaty. Looking down, Dante saw that the boy was already on his way to half-mast. He bent down to lick and nip at Nero's chest, causing Nero to whine.

"Dante! Come on!" He rutted his hips against Dante, pulling the older teen's hair.

Dante lifted his head to gaze at the teen. "What's the magic word?" he asked with a smirk, licking a trail from Nero's shoulder to his ear.

Nero rolled his eyes, gasping when his nipples were pinched and pulled. "Please, Dante! Just fuck me!"

He felt the smirk against his skin. "Happily."

He pushed down his pants and pulled out his member. Nero gazed at him hungrily as Dante lined his length up with the teen's entrance, pushing in slowly. Dante moaned at the tight heat engulfing the head, Nero gasping in pain. Dante ignored him, pushing in all the way until he was buried to the hilt, panting as he tried to keep from pounding away at the tight ass.

"Fuck, Nero…" he muttered, burying his face in the teen's neck, nipping softly. He looked up at the teen's face.

Nero's eyes were squeezed tight, a single tear flowing down his flushed cheek. Dante brushed it away, softly kissing the spot. It was torture waiting for the boy to get used to him.

Eventually, the younger's ragged breathing slowed down and he bucked his hips just so. Dante groaned, shifting his hips. He pulled out slowly and thrust back in, Nero moaning hotly. He started up a rhythm, thrusting in and out of his lover's tight heat, both of them groaning and gasping. Dante clutched Nero's hips, pulling him closer to meet his thrusts. Nero wrapped his legs around Dante's waist. He screamed after a particularly brutal shove.

"Fuck, Dante…" he moaned. Dante hit that same spot again. "Fuck! Harder!"

The older teen obliged, leaning over and pounding into the teen hard and fast, bracing himself on the oak couch. Nero screamed and moaned, gasping out Dante's name over and over again, his hair plastered to his forehead. His face and chest were flushed with lovely, red love bites peppering his shoulders. Those lovely blue eyes flashed a crimson red and it was the most beautiful thing Dante had ever seen.

He reached down and once again wrapped a hand around Nero's straining member. It only took a few strokes and a few hard thrusts before the boy arched his back, screaming the older devil's name as he came all over their stomachs. His hot walls clamped tightly around Dante, and with a throaty groan the older teen spilled his load into the pliant teen beneath him. Nero moaned at the warmth filling him up. He then whined at the feeling of emptiness as Dante slipped out of him. Dante dropped on top of him both of them panting heavily. Dante rolled so Nero was laying on top of him, gently petting Nero's soft silver locks, Nero asked, "Is this forever?"

"Yeah. You're stuck with me, kitten."

They both turned to look at one another and smiled. Dante grabbed the afghan, wrapped it around them, and wrapped his free arm around Nero's shoulder. He kissed Nero on the forehead and Nero closed his eyes and leaned unto Dante. Tiredly, he called out, "Dante…"

"Hm?" Dante replied with his eyes closed as well.

"I love you." Nero whispered.

"I love you too Nero."

* * *

We fall asleep on the sofa naked and sticky. We woke hours later to the front door slamming shut. He sits up, I sit up with him, tugging the afghan around us. Credo comes into the living room followed by Agnus. Credo gives us a filthy unhappy look. "Why does it smell like sex..." Noticing the clothing thrown around the room, his look turns to a furious glare aimed straight at Dante. "I will kill you for stealing Nero's virtue!"

I bit my lip to hold back laughter.

Agnus shoke his head and hugs Credo from behind pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. "Babe calm down hes old enough to make his own decisions." Credo's look didn't change but he visibly relaxed into Angus' hold.

"You better be able to explain yourselves! It just looks like you just to had kinky sex in the living room."

We are together now."

"You guys are naked under the afghan aren't you.

"Yes we are."

"You're both filthy beasts."

I laugh and press a kiss to Dante's hair.

Credo and Agnus leave the room so we can dressed and make breakfast. I move around the kitchen helping Dante, I look up and find him watching me.

"What."

"You look happy."

I laugh "That's because I am happy."

"Good." He pulls me in for a kiss.

* * *

Dammit I tried! Oh please forgive me everyone for the super late update this was just so hard for me to write. I was so paranoid looking around and making sure no one was watching. Please tell me what you think.


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